he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
