i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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