I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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