I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
