There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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