I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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