Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
