stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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