Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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