his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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