So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
two words...techno handjob
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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