when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
