he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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