i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
