Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
