At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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