carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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