oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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