you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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