even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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