All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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