My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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