Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
