Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
