I haven't been this sober since birth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
