So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
