Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
