Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
