If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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