Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
