i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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