she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
