he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
