two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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