i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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