It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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