I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
