yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
