I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
