Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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