Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
