so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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