I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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