My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
