you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
