Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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