I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
