Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
