Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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