I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
two words...techno handjob
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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