i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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