you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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