how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
