I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's always time for handjobs
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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