im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
