New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
