My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
