R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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