go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
