So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
