Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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