Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
