Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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