Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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