I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i dont even know how to be here
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I will be naked everywhere
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
