I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
