i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
