the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
