You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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