I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
