The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
