no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
