Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
