omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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