If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
