I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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