her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
