That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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