What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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