you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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