you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
