Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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