If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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