if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
