ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
