Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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