So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
