do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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