Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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