i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
