You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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