she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
