i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
