I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
