I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't put those talents on a resume
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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