I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
